I'll never get out of this hell
Have you ever felt punished for just being who you are? I can tell you I can identify with this feeling for most of my life.
This Blog will hopefully inspire either;
~ School children experiencing bullying
~ Parents of school children being bullied
~ School staff
~ Siblings of those who have been bullied.
My earliest memory taught me one thing: I was nothing. I don't even know where this feeling or belief came from because I even held this belief as early as kinder garden.
My saddest memory wasn't even related to the bullying I experienced but something that was quite the opposite happened.
I was minding my own business, playing on the play equipment at my kinder garden and a girl who I still know today kept on joining me.
I kept moving away continuing to mind my own business but she kept following and finally I asked her why.
She said; "Because I want to be your friend". My answer... which still makes me sad today was; "WHY?"
I wasn't so much asking why she personally wanted to be a friend, but I strongly remember a feeling that washed over me that this was such a foreign concept to me.
That someone wanted to be my friend.
As someone who is dedicated to personal growth and development, I try and think back to where I developed the belief that I wasn't "friend worthy".
I wasn't bullied during Kinder garden. In fact I remember being quite happy, doing very well in having lead roles in our plays.
I do remember walking around completely ashamed of my thumb. You see, I was born with polydactaly of the thumb which if you don't know what this means it means that I was essentially born with 3 thumbs.
This memory stays with me today of myself climbing over the play equipment, holding my thumb as I would to hide it and this girl wanting to be my friend.
This just felt strange to me. I remember trying to shake her off and I went to the bathroom and- she followed me!
I really should have known that moment she was going to become a life long friend but the point is already at around the age of 3, I felt I was not "friend worthy".
Our immediate community where I lived was a close one. I therefore had plenty of friends my sister and I spent time with after school and on the weekend. My mum had an amazing way of meeting all of the locals.
At school however it was a different story. In fact, it was almost like I was living in 2 different worlds. One full of
The question has always stayed with me;
"Did I attract the bullying I experienced because even by 3 years old I decided I was abnormal?"
I am often told I should tell my story to inspire others who have gone through any process of self empowerment, and here is probably why I haven't done so as yet.
I don't want people to think by me posing the question about my contribution of events that happened in my life that I am saying others are responsible for any that occured in their life.